One Billion Rising

Today my school here in Greece participated in the One Billion Rising campaign, who advocates against sexual assault and violence against women and girls. Having gone through assault myself, I was asked to give a speech for the student body. Below is my story. 

One Billion Rising

Hey everyone! My name is Jess and I am a study abroad student coming here to Thessaloniki from Texas Tech University. I am a graduating senior and this is my final semester of school! I am 27 years old and a proud veteran of the United States Marine Corps.

I volunteered to come up here and speak with you all today because being an advocate against the violence that happens women and girls is very important to me. Why you may ask?

Because:

Every year 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted or abused.

44% of those are under the age of 18.

80% are under 30.

2/3 of those will be committed by someone that the victim knows.

54% will be unreported to the police.

And 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail.

 I've learned over the years that it is very easy to get up in front of a crowd when you are passionate about something. When you're full of fire and you want others to see the world through your eyes. But even the greatest passion does not hold the knowledge of understanding unless the thing that you are fighting for has happened to you. And then it is not so easy being the one in the front of the room. I know this because I have sat where you sit, feeling that outrage and indignation over the way that human beings can treat one another; over the facts that I have just read to you. I used to ask myself: "How can abuse and assault happen over and over and no one seems to do anything at all? And why won't more women step up and tell their story!? It would get more bad people of the street,that's for sure! I mean, I understand it can't be easy to talk about but  it wasn't their fault & in the end it helps prevent the same thing from happening to others, right?" I could of course clearly see the problem but apparently no one else could.

And then, it happened to me. And I finally understood what I hadn't understood before. No, it's not easy to talk about; your loved ones want to console the inconsolable and the counselors insist that talking about it will help to "get over it & move on with your life".  So I decided that since they were the experts I would do what so many before me have done.... I would move on and pretended that it never happened and never speak of it again.

Except then it happened again.  And I couldn't help but wonder what I was doing so wrong? Surely I could have prevented it!? Maybe I was wearing the wrong thing, said the wrong thing- maybe he thought I was flirting? How could I be so reckless?! Maybe I had had too much to drink? Maybe I was too trusting? After all, I thought he was a friend.

The guilt and shame over my apparent absentmindedness that lead up to these incidents almost consumed my life. I pushed away my friends and my family because I took their sadness as pity and I didn't want anymore reminders of my shame. It was already embarrassing enough.

So, I closed myself off until I didn't know how to feel any emotion anymore. Because everything hurt, and there was never happiness. I was consumed by my misery and no matter how much everyone tried, no one understood. How could they? Words are never enough sometimes...

And then one day I told someone my story and it was like a dam broke inside of me. I realized that no matter what I could have said or done differently those nights, it wouldn't have mattered because it wasn't my fault. My choices those nights were taken from me and I could never change that. But I could help others benefit from my tragedy.

I knew that I had to continue to tell others my story, not because I want anyone's pity over my past experiences. But because people DON'T understand, they can't. Not unless something similar has happened to them. And they couldn't even relate unless it had happened to someone they knew and they knew their story.  So I decided that I would GIVE them a someone whose story they WOULD know personally, whose story they could share with the world.

When you see the sign that I am holding, I am just a statistic. Just another number among millions who experienced a bad lot in life. Someone who must have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. But when you see me standing here, right in front of you, I am not just another statistic, but one of you. I am your classmate and your friend.  I am also a wonderful sister, an amazing aunt, and a beloved daughter. I am a cherished wife and one day I will be an amazing mother. I am NOT, however, just a number.

So I ask you today to take a stand. If we can celebrate a holiday on this day every year that calls for radical advertising and irrational outputs of love, then why can't we choose to put that crazy love and insane devotion into a call to action? Why can't we stand up to violence and abuse and let the world know that we refuse to allow its continued existence!? Why can't we stand behind all women, because even though we don't know them yet, they are our friends too. You didn't know me before I came up here either. But now that I've put a face to a number, a real live person behind a statistic, will you stand behind me now? I have a past too, but I don't live there. I live in this moment, right now, and these choices now will shape my tomorrow. I know where I stand, will you stand with us?